For added incentive, if you fail the challenge the money goes to an organization dedicated to kicking kittens- and 1 billion will buy a lot of innocent kittens to kick, so you better not fail. You can’t give any of the money away as a donation or gift, it has to be spent on something that’s just for you or perhaps you and a few friends at max. So no copping out by buying the entire Infographics Show staff 50 million dollar gift cards to In and Out- which of course we know you would do because you love us and In and Out is pretty much the best. So, time to get greedy- much like the late and great Richard Pryor in Brewster’s Millions, the clock is ticking and time is running out. Without further adieu here’s our purchases- think you can do better?
Stay tuned and then give us your list in the comments! 1. Naturally the first thing most people are going to think about is buying a home- real estate is a solid investment after all and there’s quite a few very hefty cash sinks that can quickly eat up a billion dollars. But why start at a home? We’ve got a billion dollars- it’s time to think bigger.
Like private island big. All the open space you could want, no neighbors whatsoever to worry about, and no pesky home owner’s association telling you to take down your Halloween decorations because it’s April- Halloween is a year-round celebration, or at least it should be. And with your own private island, it will be. The United Arab Emirates offers a wide variety of artificially built islands all for sale, and with Al Marjan Island up for grabs at $462,000,000, that’s an easy get that takes care of nearly half your budget.
The island features an airstrip, several beaches, and power provided from the mainland. Truly a picturesque and perfect man-made paradise, with just one slight catch- it’s located at the very tip of the Gulf of Oman and the Persian Gulf, and if you thought your current neighbors were a pain, just imagine having Iran as your next door neighbor barely 100 miles away. With constant threats against shipping in the Persian Gulf from Iran, Al Marjan Island may not be the safest place to live. But for now it’s a sunny island paradise and next door to beautiful Dubai- so much like America in the 2016 election, we’re just going to go with it. What’s the worst that could happen?
That takes care of $462,000,000 and leaves us with $538 million to go! 2. We just bought a private island in a potential war zone, so naturally the next thing we need to do is make sure our little slice of heaven is well protected. Normal security isn’t going to cut it though, after all you have an entire island to defend against one of the region’s most formidable militaries. It’s time to hire the best- or at least the most controversial and brutal- it’s time for Blackwater.
Made notorious after reports of their cowboy attitude and disregard for civilian collateral damage during their involvement in Iraq, Blackwater security changed its name to Academi- which we guess sounds less… thuggish? Well, at $1,222 a day, these guys aren’t going to be sitting around reading books. But to defend an island the size of Al Marjan, you’re going to need at least let’s say, 2 platoons of hired killers- or 60 mercenaries total.
That’s brings total cost to about $73,000 per day, or 2 million per month. With potentially two years left in Donald Trump’s presidency, and a possible re-election after that, let’s go ahead and secure a six year contract to make our new home safe, which brings the total to: $158 million. But hey, you can’t put a price on safety, and you’ll be keeping Blackwater employees too busy to be shooting innocent civilians, which is borderline charity but we’ll let this one pass.
That brings our total expenses to $620,000,000, leaving us with $380,000,000. 3. We’ve got our own island, and we’ve got our own bloodthirsty crew of hired mercenaries to stop anyone from getting on that island we don’t want there. Now it’s time to build a home, somewhere modest and cozy where we can lay our head after a long day being grateful war with Iran hasn’t broken out yet. Maybe something like… the Playboy Mansion Sadly if you’re a fan of the late Heffner’s, his home has already sold for $100,000,000, which was half of the original asking price. But why not just build your own?
Current construction costs in Dubai range from 6500 to 8000 Emirati Dirhams per square foot- which is about $1770 to $2178 US. Let’s say you want to recreate the Playboy Mansion on your new island- we’re pretty sure homes aren’t copyrighted- just how much would that cost? The original bunny house is 20,000 square feet, and let’s say you do like most builders in Dubai and use cheap foreign labor from east asia whom you pay slave wages to while treating them like actual slaves- including stealing their passports and threatening to imprison them if they complain about working 12 plus hours in 120 degree heat! So let’s go with the low end estimate of 6500 Dirhams per square footage, or $1770 US.
That’s going to cost you a whopping $35,400,000 for your own Hugh Heffner digs, but who can put a price on home? That brings our new total to $655,400,000, leaving us with $344,600,000. 4. We’re going to need a way to get to our fancy new digs all the way in Dubai, so we’ll be skipping the fancy car.
Remember how our island came with a private landing strip? That’s right- it’s time to buy our own jet. But not just any jet, we want a jet with class, style, and some history behind it-so we’re going to buy Donald Trump’s Boeing 757, selling at 100 million dollars. While a regular Boeing 757 can fit 200 ‘normals’, Trump has had his refurbished to accommodate only 23 human beings who fly through the air in the lap of gold-encrusted luxury.
With two bedrooms- which we’ll be immediately sanitizing- a private guest room- also sanitizing- a dining room, and a video room with a built-in cinema system, you’ll be getting to your island home in absolute style. Flying ain’t cheap though, and Trump’s operating cost used to run at $10,800 per flight hour which includes crew and fuel- so to make sure you can keep your jet operational let’s go ahead and contract out enough fuel and crew for at least 300 flight hours, for a total cost of 3,240,000. Combined with the 100 million dollar price tag, that brings the total cost to $103,240,000, making our new total expenses $824,180,000, and leaving us with $175,820,000. 5. Flying is nice, but we feel a call for the open seas, and you’re not really ultra-rich until you own a yacht, right?
Unfortunately with only $175 million left we can’t afford one of the world’s top ten most expensive yachts, but after our purchase of Trump’s old mile-high club air liner, we’re pretty much done with buying used. It’s time to buy new. Per Forbes, building a yacht used to cost about $1,000 per meter 100 years ago, but that price has now ballooned to a whopping $1,000,000 per meter. Then of course there’s the cost of crew and fuel. So let’s go with a more conservative approach and buy ourselves a 170 meter yacht- which is about 15 meters longer than an American AEGIS destroyer! That brings us to a $170,000,000 price tag- but our fancy new yacht, the SS Infographics, isn’t going to go anywhere without crew, insurance and fuel.
Annual fuel costs for a superyacht run about $400,000, with $350,000 in dockage fees if you choose to dock your yacht in foreign ports, $240,000 for insurance, $1,000,000 for maintenance, and $1,400,000 for crew salaries. That brings us to 3.39 million, bringing our total cost to $173,390,000. That brings our total expenses so far to $997,570,000. That leaves us with just barely 3.5 million dollars, which lucky for us is just enough to top off our shopping spree with the perfect gift for that special person we’ll be sharing our heavily fortified island home with: a 3.5 million dollar diamond engagement ring from Cartier jewelers.